I had a grouchy day; it had started off okay, I plugged along and did housework but as the day went on my whole attitude just kept descending.
I spent too much mental energy thinking about the coming school year with dread - I don’t have a book shelf that functions well for our school books - scour marketplace for a better option, wasting time I don’t have.
A spilled plate of food - my vacuum mop died over a month ago I’ll have to mop with the traditional mop again - more frustration because the handle on my mop bucket snapped and now I hate pushing and drag the bucket around even more.
Picking up the same messes over and over, noticing more dust and cobwebs as I go along, clutter under a cabinet, projects I never catch up on, potty training accidents - more time lost when I had thought I was going to make some quick progress.
A counter too small to fix and serve food on, a baby underfoot, ‘I HATE my kitchen’ yelled to no one in particular as I slammed the cabinet door, angry about all the problems I don’t know how to solve.
The day was rough and through every frustrating moment, anger fueled action, and ungrateful attitude I KNEW I was the problem. I mean, there are some legitimate frustrations, but if I stripped it all away I knew the truth: I have eight beautiful, amazing children - image bearers of our Lord - eternal souls, and they are the best gifts I could ever have been given. I have been entrusted with them, although you see just how untrustworthy I may be, I am given the honor to serve them and never once have I thought a cleaner house, a perfect kitchen, no accidents, or fewer schoolbooks would be worth having less children but my attitude wasn’t speaking that.
Does it matter that my kitchen doesn’t function ideally?
That my house isn’t always (ever?) as clean as it should be?
That potty training is HARD especially when it’s child after child 7 kids deep, so far?
That our school situation might not be ideal?
What does matter is that in every hard moment, with every negative thought, I rebuke myself, and that I turn to The Lord with gratitude - Thank YOU LORD for these children, their messes I have to clean up, that I have too many kids’ plates to fit on my counter, that I have a baby underfoot, that I have yet another kids stack of schoolbooks to fit somewhere, that every child is potty trained eventually; thank You Lord for gifting me these precious responsibilities, help me to see You through each moment of each trying day.
And this morning I came down and saw my kitchen in the soft light of sunrise and I said ‘Lord, please be gentle with me today and let me be gentle to Your children’.
And today had all the same problems as yesterday but I walked with Him instead of trying to walk on my own, and the problems didn’t steal my focus, and gratitude won.
So take heart overwhelmed mom, you are blessed, take a moment to count those blessings, and never forget:
“He shall feed his flock like a shepherd:
he shall gather the lambs with his arm,
and carry them in his bosom,
and shall gently lead those that are with young.”
•Isaiah 40:11•
