Own Your Own Path

This morning after nursing, Bible reading, diaper changing, forcing a my poor baby to breath through her inhaler, then fixing and feeding oatmeal I read an article.
This article reminded me who I am.
I am a wife and mommy but first I am a child of the One True King and I am doing His work here on earth.
Sometimes it slips away, amidst the day to day messes, the whining child, crying baby, skipped lunches, sometimes I forget that what I do is important.
I am raising a generation for service to God.
It may not be the glamours missionary life I once dreamed of and idolized as the most important way to serve God. It certainly isn't the home-business I once would have dreamed as a picture perfect life. No, it is the life of a regular family. A husband who works hard sacrificing time away in order to provide for our every need, a wife who stays at home and wipes snotty noses and spit up on the hem of her shirt, and of two girls who are going to be raised in the joy of the Lord.

I am where God has put me and I embrace that. I love the life he has given me, I want for nothing. I know we are following in His will as our life can be held against His word and be tried and proven. Are there things for us to work on? Yes. Are there changes He may show us along the way? Probably. But today we are where He has chosen to put us and with hearts soft and ply-able He will continue working in us, accomplishing His will through us.

God has given us such a beautiful life.
I read a question on the internet today which asked 'if you died tomorrow what would you regret about your current place in life' it was supposed to be a motivational question, to inspire more sacrifice, more service but for me it actually did the opposite.
If I died tomorrow what would I regret?
Nothing.
Not one little thing.
I absolutely am in love with my life.
My identity is found in what Christ is doing through me and I have confidence that my life is bringing Him honor and glory. I believe God is not only watching as I start the laundry machine, clean up a spill, blow raspberries on tummies, and all the other parts of my day, but that He is guiding me through it all. Just as I know He is guiding my husband. We are the work of His hands. He has written our story and I love watching it unfold.

Join me in owning the path God has set you on.
I am a wife, a mommy, a keeper of the home and I own that and give God the glory. It's the path God gave me and it may be similar to many but it is also entirely unique and one in a million.
Who are you?

And now, just because I'm so blessed by him and can, I'm going to take a moment out to shed a little overdue praise on the husband in this picture.
Wesley, my Wesley. He's a dreamer, oh how he dreams. He has the lottery won, invested, and a new home built in one castle in the air. He owns and runs a burger joint in another. Leisurely taking trips around the world in others. He dreams, who doesn't? There's nothing wrong with dreaming as long as it does't get in the way of doing. It may be that not one of those dreams come true, who knows. What I do know is this: Wesley takes care of me, he takes care of our girls, and with not one word of resentment. He does his job away from home well which provides monetarily for us but that doesn't stop him from providing the leadership we need as a family. Wesley has embraced his role as our provider and leader doing the Lords work daily, enabling me to serve here at home and I will forever be grateful. Because he is following God's way of training our children I can correct Jerusha's misbehavior in his absence and know we are unified, because he is following God's plan in providing I could take poor raspy Eowyn to the doctor last week and not worry about how much it may cost.
Thank you for putting our needs above your dreams, for gladly bearing the cross put before you and for choosing to serve our Lord and savior with such joy. I will forever love you and learn from you. <3 Haley

My Fear of Money

This past weekend my husband bought himself a watch for $91. It's a good watch. I wasn't mad at him for the purchase. You may remember that for his last birthday I got him a watch, I researched them for days before making my choice. I know the watch he bought is a good one, better, in fact, than the one I got him. It's a $400 watch that he got on sale, combined with coupons, for $91. I'd call that a win.
BUT still, I wandered around the store looking at over priced items trying to ignore the fact he was buying himself something. He asked if I was okay with him buying a watch and I shrugged a I-don't-really-care-do-what-you-want-yes, because I didn't want to tell him no, it was a good deal, but, I so wanted to tell him no and I wasn't sure why.  
Because you always buy yourself nice things? But he buys me nice gifts, too sometimes. Because you spend more on you than you do me? But the less we spend the better so please don't waste money on me!
Then all the way home I quietly pondered how I felt, actually, I tried to figure out how I felt.
Was I mad at him? No.
Was I disappointed in him? Maybe?
Why? Because that money could go towards buying a new car...?
I didn't exactly hear myself complaining about spending money on Red Lobsters shrimp fest two hours earlier.
Then I found it. I found the word that perfectly described how I was feeling. Jealous.
Jealous.
I was jealous because my husband can spend money on himself and I can't spend money on myself.
Not because he won't let me, no, I know he would, but because I won't let myself.
And ever since I've been trying to figure out why.
Because when I was 12 and spent $20 on a BB gun only to first have extreme buyers remorse, I'd wasted money on a toy, and later to have a friend leave it out in a field to be bush hogged over?
 Have I traumatized myself from spending money? Is that even a thing?
I keep thinking about it. I've looked around our house to see what I own. What is the most expensive thing I've ever bought myself?
I bought a laptop in 2012, at $3?? It is by far my biggest purchase. Since then? $64 dollars on two pair of maternity jeans. How on earth did I justify that? Because I was excited to be pregnant and equally tired of squeezing into regular jeans and Wesley was with me and assured me it was okay, an investment, I'd use them several times in the years to come, hopefully.
Since I've been married I haven't even bought myself a pair of new shoes, just used ones from goodwill.
I spent some money on plants and gardening supplies but that was to grow food for my family, that doesn't count, right?
Besides those maternity jeans I literally can't think of anything that I've picked out or purchased for myself that didn't come from a garage sale, out of goodwill or off of a clearance rack at Walmart or Kohls.
This isn't normal, is it?

I'm not writing this post to brag at how low maintenance I am. Trust me. I don't like being this way. I don't like having a twinge of disappointment every time my husband buys himself something. I don't like being moody afterwards and not being able to explain to my husband that no, I'm not mad at him,  I'm just confused.  I don't like feeling irresponsible if I buy two used shirts at goodwill that, God forbid, weren't the half price color of the day. I don't like this.
Whenever I shop I feel a little guilty if I spend even so much as $5 to get myself lunch, if I didn't eat we could save that money, we could pay off the house faster, we could buy a car, put it towards remodeling the kitchen.

Do I love money? The love of money is the root of all evil.
I don't think I love money. I don't want to be rich.
This isn't normal. It can't be. Or do any of you, my readers deal with issues like this? Do you have any in sight on what causes a person to be so afraid of spending money? Is it something lots of us actually go through and I've just never discussed it with anyone?

{Foodie Post No. 4} Jalapeño Cranberry Jelly

So, remember my garden? My little "pot garden"? I had planned to use my "Foodie" thread to post ways I've used my produce.
WELL.... my tomato plant has produced one tomato and it started to rot before it was even ripe.
I forgot to water my spinach enough times that it went from young and tender to tough nasty looking stuff.
I never got any avocados on sale so the cilantro went unused; I have since let it die.
The basil is growing well but I haven't taken pictures of the meals I've used it in thus far.
The bell peppers have done pretty well and been used on Italian sausages.
My other plant was jalapeño. I'm not sure why I planted them because although I like the spice my 18 month old can't really handle it so I rarely cook super spicy food.
The Jalapeño plant is of course the plant that has produced and thrived despite my neglect in the watering category..
So, finally I have used some of them, only six, but that is a start.

I got this recipe from over here. I haven't checked any of their other recipes out but this one seems to be good.

INGREDIENTS
8 cups Cranberries (fresh or frozen)
1/2 cup Water
1/2 cup Apple Cider Vinegar
2 cups Sugar
2-3 Jalapeños, chopped (I used 6 because mine were small and I wanted to err on the side of too spicy)
1 teaspoon fresh grated Ginger

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Combine all of the ingredients in a large sauce pan. Bring to a gentle boil and continue boiling until the cranberry skins burst. Crush the fruits with a potato masher until uniform in texture. Boil hard for one minute longer or until the mixture thickens.
2. Prepare your canning supplies. Bring the temperature of the glass jars up by processing them in hot water for several minutes, and heat a few cups of water in a small saucepan for the lids.
3. Skim off any foam and ladle the hot jam into the hot jars, leaving 1/4″ headspace.
4. Place the lids and bands on top, screwing on the bands just until fingertip-tight. Place the full jars back into the boiling water and process 10 minutes.
5. Remove from the water and place the jars on a towel. Let the jars cool. The seals should suck down (you should hear a popping noise as they do). Makes 6 eight-ounce jars.

Ingredients (minus the sugar.. because I forgot about it)

christmas colors in a pot :)

waiting for the cranberries to pop

...still waiting.. isn't it pretty?

Once they popped I used my potato masher and made it into a uniform consistency 

see? The potato masher..

putting the rings on the jars

Wesley was waxing creative and wanted to do reflective water pictures ;)

after they had processed and I was about to pull them out

beautiful colors and yummy jelly

I tried a creative picture.. cool?

I didn't think to taste my jelly before I put it all into the jars but I licked the spoon and pot so I got a smidgen of a taste. I think it will be good on crackers and maybe with cream cheese or even on toast.

I have a small problem with hoarding jelly so here's to hoping I open, or gift this before I die.

And I'm serious. I hate using up my jelly. I have Raspberry jelly in my cabinet that I canned in 2010 and some pear butter from '11... 
I will have to give at least one of them away to my mom because I hadn't saved enough cranberries from last holiday season so she supplied me with the extra bag I needed. :)

That's all for now because I'm being an irresponsible "mommy blogger" and leaving the care of my children to my sisters :P

~Haley

Weekend Adventure: Michigan Trip

Two weeks ago...

We'd all been fighting illness; Bronchitis, Bronchial Pneumonia, and Laryngitis, but we still decided to proceed as planned and head to Michigan for the weekend.

My grandparents live on a lake in central MI and my family was planning on spending Friday and Saturday there then head over the South Haven on Lake Michigan to well, first of all see the lake, and to visit with my uncle, aunt and cousins who were there on vacation, we we had decided to join them.
In our own car though.
My family would have to own a school bus now if they wanted to be able to haul around themselves plus the four of us ;)

Albeit short we enjoyed a fun, mostly relaxing, trip.
We went on a pontoon ride around the lake, we went tubing and Wesley went for the first time, and undoubtedly the most memorable part of our visit with Grandma Jan and Grandpa Larry was our attempt to find "The Pines".
A few trips ago we went to "The Pines", a local area of woods that mommy had gone to as a kid. It is one of the coolest places I have seen. Pine trees stretching as far as the eye can see. There's no undergrowth due to the density of the trees themselves so it makes for a beautiful and comfortable picnic area or just somewhere fun to take pictures and monkey around for a while.
Well.
This trip we had a little difficulty finding the pines. No one could remember exactly where they were so we ended up at this little sand "parking lot" with a trail leading off into the woods. We hadn't come prepared to hike because we didn't remember having to in the past. Well after fighting off mosquitoes and deer flies, lugging children, suffering through fits of coughing, shuffling in sandals along a sandy trail, and going in a loop, we found a tiny patch of pine trees that resemble wherever the authentic pines are. We called it close enough, took pictures, and enjoyed the small patch.
Here are some pictures of the pines:

These are some pictures of tubing; I believe the first is of me giving the thumbs up of survival and the second of Wesley heading out.

 Also, there are some random pictures.

We left Sunday morning and headed over to South Haven. It was our first time seeing Lake Michigan and it was very neat. 

I'm Feeling 22

Yesterday I turned 22 and for the first time since I was 19 I think I'll claim it.
For some reason I've been stuck at 19. When anyone asks my age a big '19' pops into my mind and I've had to catch myself and often correct myself "nine-er-twenty-one, right? Yeah, twenty-one." I think I was stuck there because it's when I got engaged, married, and found out I was pregnant with my first child. A lot happened. It was a defining year.
Now, I feel like I'll remember that I am twenty-two, though. I'm not sure why it stands out to me but it does. Maybe Taylor Swifts catchy "I'm Feeling Twenty-Two" (a song I don't even know but as I have a T.S. fan for a sister I have heard it a time or two), maybe its because I'm finally looking around at my life and realizing there's no possible way to claim 19, or maybe it's simply because it started with such an awesome and memorable day.

Things that make me feel 22:
I feel like I've been married to my best friend forever, so, I can't still be 19.
I'm a mommy of two..
I'm finally beginning to feel like an adult; I answer the phone, occasionally make necessary phone calls, write and mail checks for bills, took my daughter to the doctor, go shopping with a baby, and feel like I may be doing a decent job keeping house.
I successfully run our household and haven't stepped too far into insanity on weeks when my husband is out of town for work.
Yes, I'm twenty-two.

My twenty-second birthday was memorable, if not only for the fact I am beginning to feel my age.
Wesley was home in the morning and I knew he'd be back for dinner.
The girls were sweet and fun most of the day.
My out-of-state sister texted me a happy birthday message.
A friend stopped by to visit in the early afternoon.
Wesley came home and took care of the girls while I grilled steaks and zucchini for dinner.

(and before you frown and shake your head thinking "shame on Wesley for not doing the grilling" realize that I think I know what I'm doing when it comes to charcoal grilling so in spite of the fact I bought the grill for Wesley's 23rd birthday I enjoyed using it more than I would have enjoyed entertaining the girls for another hour; it was a  nice break)

While waiting for the grill to be ready I opened my gifts. Wesley had thoughtfully picked out a card and gift from the girls to me, as well as ones from himself. 

I love both of my cards, and each gift given is special and it makes me warm and fuzzy inside thinking of the one who gave them and the thought behind them.

Meet Arlen, my beautiful blue-eyed 

husky that was a gift from my girls:

This gift from Wesley I am super excited about. I've always loved traditional polaroids, everything from the science behind them, to watching the picture form, to the fact that I never order digital prints and this way I'll actually end up with a hard copy of a picture! 
Now the only hang up will be actually taking pictures, each picture is so precious because you can't just delete bad ones. Every picture counts and I'm a little afraid that I won't take pictures because I'll be afraid of wasting a precious piece of film.

Here are the first two pictures taken. 

I now realize that I didn't even take either of them because I wanted to be in them! :o :P

Wesley also got me the one gift I requested: a new glass water bottle as the plastic spout on my other one had cracked. He picked out an awesome one that I have enjoyed using today.

Thank you, honey, (wow, I called you honey, I must be getting old) for the wonderful gifts. They're all perfect and even more so because you put thought into them and "wasted" money on making me happy. <3 I love you, not because you did great but, you certainly did do great ;) <3

My birthday evening didn't end there. 

Dinner was eaten and although I over cooked the steaks just a tad, they were still good. Then we waited until 9:30, the ETA of my family coming home from Oklahoma,  and we headed to their house for cake which my mother had prepared in advance. Don't worry, it tasted fresh as ever because I always choose the same Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream Cake for my birthday ;)

We stayed until 10:30 listening to stories from their trip, discussing birthday presents, and sharing in the joy and love of a big-awesome-crazy-family. 

I'm so blessed to have each and every one of those who celebrated with me. From my mommy who went through 9+ months of pregnancy only to have to go through the terrors of labor to deliver me (not to mention put up with me for the rest of her life), to the siblings I grew up with and the ones I'm watching grow up, to my honorary sister Shay who puts up with not only my brother but my entire crazy-annoying-family; I love you all and felt honored to stay up past bed-time to get to celebrate with you. Thank you for making me feel loved and making the first day of being 22 absolutely perfect.

I am so in love with my life and blessed to begin another year of this awesomely beautiful bubble I get to call mine.

~Haley

(I know that once again I am incredibly behind in blogging. Hopefully I catch up but if not you can always hope that I at least post again before eons go by.)

Of Babies, Birthdays, & Blessings

Jerusha helping out at
diaper changing time

Adjusting to two children has gone surprisingly smoothly.
Jerusha loves little Eowyn and is happy watch me change diapers, outfits, feed, and burp her. Jerusha tries to be helpful and is always wanting to pat Eowyn or give her a head-lockish hug but I know she means it with love.
Last week was rough for me but not because of the girls; I'm sure it was simply post-partum hormones combined with Wesley's absence.
Wesley had to spend the week in Iowa, for work, which left emotional me home with our girls. I cried a lot, in fact, I may have cried more last week than I did through out the entire #babybumpthesecond pregnancy. Maybe?
Every time Jerusha would bring me her book titled "I Love My Daddy Because"; I cried, each meal time as I would pray for "daddy to be safe while he is away", as I folded and put away his laundry, and especially on Thursday as he was away on his birthday.
You may remember from last year that birthdays are special to me and how much I enjoy watching loved ones celebrated. Needless to say I was probably more sad and disappointed on missing his birthday than he was. I had planned in advance to make him a peanut butter pie, a newly discovered favorite of his, I had picked out and ordered his gifts what I was hoping to be far enough in advance and one had arrived; then Wesley was given his schedule and I realized I wouldn't even see him on his birthday :(
In the end his second gift arrived over the weekend and when Wesley headed out Monday morning he stopped to check the mail and ended up taking the package with him; so, he at least got to open a gift on his birthday.

birthday gifts: a new wallet
& watch

Friday he arrived home and opened his second gift but it was too hot to want to stay home in our little un-airconditioned house so we spent the evening at my parents. We filled up on pizza and had no room once home for peanut butter pie.
Saturday was sure to be a busy day with a graduation cake for me to decorate, two graduation open houses to attend, and a church softball game to be played (watched by me;)) so we had pie for breakfast :)

Things have been easier on me this week and hopefully they will continue to be. 

I can't possibly convey to you, my reader, the warm fuzziness that fills my heart as I watch Jerusha drop her toys and stand by Eowyn's bed at the slightest whimper from her sister. Or seeing Jerusha's face contort in empathy if Eowyn's cry becomes more insistent. It is going to be the greatest of blessings to watch my girls grow up, so close in age, and I pray close in heart. I long to see them grow close to God and to watch them serve Him, someday. 

I am absolutely in love with the life God is giving me. The husband who works hard to provide for my heart and spirit as well as our physical needs, he who is the daddy to my girls. I love attempting to care for the home He has blessed us with and know that I ought to be doing a better job of it. I am just thrilled with where God has put me and what He is filling my bubble with.

I hope you enjoy reading my little tid-bits about it.

~Haley

sweetly sleeping Eowyn 

The Waiting Has Ended

I hadn't posted in a while because my time was primarily occupied with caring for Jerusha and taking naps and, well, that just isn't very interesting. I kept trying to work on my rug but the only thing to say about that is... hand stitching is going slowly. I continued my "nesting" re-cleaning and re-organizing all area's of the house. Really, not much, besides my size, changed throughout the month of May.
My grandparents came through town on their bi-annual visit the weekend before my "due-date" and I was hopeful the baby would come so Grandma Jan would get to meet it. However, the baby wasn't ready to join us yet.
I was 40 weeks on the 23rd but 40 weeks wasn't when our baby wanted to come either.
We kept waiting and the busiest weekend of May approached. The 27th I spent baking for our Farmer's Market and then the rest of the day I worked on preparing for my brothers high-school graduation open house. The work didn't induce labor.
Saturday, May 28th I got up and made cinnamon rolls and spent the morning at Market before heading to my family's and once again preparing for the open house. 4:00 arrived and people came and went and everyone commented on not only my brother's accomplishments, awards, and achievements but also my size and apparent appearance of misery. The baby still stayed put.
Sunday I paced myself, hoping that by resting more my body would decide it was ready to face labor; it didn't agree.
Monday, Memorial Day arrived and with it my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew from out of town. Again, I had hoped the baby would have come so they could have met it. I spent the day with family and friends attending my brother's baseball games, our traditional Memorial Day service, eating, sitting in the water at my parents beach with Jerusha, and bemoaning the end of May as I had so hoped for a May baby.
Tuesday, May 31st, I woke up at 12:37 with contractions that, although not very intense, were coming about every six minutes. Maybe I will get my May baby! I thought but soon found the contractions relent and myself waking up over an hour later. My thought was well, I guess not. But then I realized what had awoken me again was another contraction and it may not have been as close as the last ones it was more intense. I kept waiting and soon realized that every eleven to fifteen minutes I would have another pretty intense contraction. Eventually I woke Wesley up and consulted him. If I prematurely called the midwife and it turned out not to be labor that would be embarrassing. As it neared 5AM the contractions had remained painful, intensified, and were coming every seven minutes so I decided to call the midwife.
12:51, Tuesday, May 31st, 2016 sweet little

                    Éowyn  Harper  Smith

                                                                                       joined our family.

She weighed 8 pounds 12 ounces and was 20 and 1/4 inches long. 

The labor was much easier than Jerusha's (or so I am told, it was all a long painful blur, to me ;)), Jerusha excitedly accepted the addition to our lives and enjoys patting little Eowyn and would love me to let her hold her more, and the transition hasn't been too rough from mommy-of-one to mommy-of-two. It does feel like over night Jerusha suddenly grew up. As I type she just climbed up onto the coffee table, since when could she pull herself onto furniture?! She came home after the birth and pulled herself right up onto the couch, last night she climbed up and down our front steps unassisted, and suddenly so many of her babbled words have become clear. 

I want to issue a huge thank you to my sister-in-law Suzannah who starting in January encouraged me to walk 3 miles twice a week and joined me in the endevour. In the last month she was unable to do it with me but still supported my intentions to try and do it on my own and although I slacked a little I did stay much more active than I would have otherwise. Thank you so much Suzannah; I am sure walking helped me maintain a better weight this pregnancy, and helped with stamina through labor, at the least I know it helped me feel better about myself.

Also, thank you to my mommy who offered advise and help continually through the pregnancy and labor.

Thank you Mrs. Smith for attending the birth of your newest granddaughter and giving me quick drinks of gatorade between pushes; it truly did help energize and prepare me for the next contractions.

Thank you Shelby who is forever and always my helpful little sister who gives selflessly, babysitting Jerusha, catching up on my laundry, fixing meals, and doing anything I ask of you.

I'm certain there are more thank you's I could issue; to the midwives who attended the birth and cared for me and Eowyn throughout the pregnancy, labor, and deliver, the siblings who came to visit us and joyously welcomed their newest niece, the friends who have brought food, and I'm sure there are yet others.

Wesley; thank you most of all for being the daddy of our little girls and supporting me and caring for us all <3 I love you.

Now I will put down my computer and go back to enjoying my girls.