Food {Post One}

My sister over at Simple Inspirations has a series going on called try something new where every week she makes a new recipe. I'd really like to get on board and do something like that, too but {1} It would require I learn to follow recipes and {2}I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet :P
I have been reading a book about keeping your pantry stocked with the "essentials" and how that will make it easy to throw together new dinners but I have a lot of work to do on my pantry. Currently I shop week to week and hope to get things that make meals; I rarely even have an idea of the weeks "meal plan" when I shop :/ Here's to hoping I do better!
Anyways, last night I made this dinner and took a few pictures to share. It was something new and it was quick, easy, and yummy :)

I started with some chicken breast I had cooked in the crock pot on Monday and then I fried up some bacon pieces, added some mayo and canned jalapeno's. I also had a loaf of Jalapeno Cheddar bread left over from market to make the sandwiches out of.

These are a few of the seasonings I threw into the mix. Oh and a splash of apple cider vinegar.

After I mixed that up, sliced some cheddar, I assembled them on my griddle. They were getting crispy on the other side but the filling was still kind of cold so I threw them in the microwave. Walla. Dinner! :D It was a little spicy but pretty yummy. 

What Defines You?

Last night I finished reading Whipping Boy The Forty-Year Search For My Twelve-Year-Old Bully by Allen Kurzweil. I was left in a state of deep thought, consideration, and ultimately disappointment.
The whole book centers on, exactly as the title indicates, Allen's obsession with finding Cesar, a boy who was in his life for not even a whole year. Allen spent his sixth grade year at Aiglon, a boarding school in Villars Switzerland and in that amount of time Allen says of Cesar "[He] entered my life and reshaped it forever."
Now, I was never bullied so maybe I have no right to pen my thoughts and conclusion of Allen's life but I did read his book and feel the need to share my opinion on not only Allen's view of his life but my own as well.
Through out the book and all the way to the end Allen blames (and credits) Cesar for making him into the person he is today.
I find that shallow. 
He let the events of sixth grade define who he grew up to be. It defined who he was as a husband, a father, a friend, professional, and a writer.
Looking back in my life I can admit to a time that I did the same. I may not have dealt with bullying but I did go through some trials and for a couple years after that time I let it define me. 
I struggled with self worth, I hated life, I hated myself, I wished I was never born, I cut, I convinced myself to be suicidal. Then one day, I'm not even sure when, I finally admitted to myself what was truly happening. Daily I was choosing self pity over God's grace and the life He had given me. I didn't really want to admit it but the truth was that I was deciding which parts of my life were allowed to shape me. I chose only the times I had been hurt, scarred, and at my lowest and let them run my life. I was choosing the life of self pity and essentially creating the identity I wanted. 
I say all that to point out our motto shouldn't be:

We Are Defined By What Has Happened To Us 

rather 

We Are What We Allow To Define Us 

Join me in breaking away from letting negative events in our lives define who we will become and choose rather to be who we want to be, be who Christ wants us to be. Be alive and full of love, full of joy, full of all things honorable. Grow throughout life and don't simply let your life be "reshaped" "forever" due to a few, or even many, low points of life. Let us be the generation that stops blaming our past for everything today; lets be stronger than circumstances!

Two Years Together

It was two years ago today that I said yes to the best adventure of my life ^_^

At the top of Mt. Elbert, highest 14er in Colorado, surrounded by some of my closest friends, Wesley asked me to join him on the adventure of our lifetime.

I know I've ranted about time, and how people say it "flies" but in my case it doesn't seem to be. Last night as Wesley and I discussed the last two years of our lives it was hard to believe it has been only that; two years. I truly feel like I've lived and loved a life time's worth since he's been by my side. We've had so many adventures since we became engaged and then married. We have the most perfect, beautiful baby who is in and of herself our best adventure yet.

Words can't describe the love our little family holds, nor can they come close to touching the wonders of how God has blessed our relationship; from the years of friendship to these two years as a couple. Oh how I love to be a part of this story He has written <3


Here are a few pictures of us taken while in CO

Holden Beach, NC 2015

This past week Wesley, Jerusha, and I spent the week in Holden Beach, NC with lots and lots of relatives for the annual family reunion/vacation. 
I brought my sister Shelby along, as well, and she added to the fun and I know I'm hoping we get to bring her along again in the future.. ;)

It really was a wonderful week. Wesley hadn't had a true work-won't-dare-call-me-vacation since 2014's beach trip so it was simply wonderful to watch him relax.

Jerusha loved the water and, much to my pleasure, hated the sand. That made cleaning her up easy ;)

We spent most of the week simply hanging out with family and relaxing, either playing Euchre, Banana Grams, or swimming. We never did have any waves worth mentioning and that was a bit disappointing but, there's always next year :)
One evening we went putt putt golfing at Fantasy Isle and out on the pier, I think, besides shopping, those were our only off-beach activities.

On our last day there Wesley purchased two Chinese lanterns to set off after dark. It was a little drizzly but knowing it was our only chance we went for it and they did work :) They were much bigger than I expected and so, so cool, it was a perfect ending to our stay.

I've wheedled out a few pictures to share with you, enjoy :)

Jerusha, taking it all in. Literally. She loved the salt..

Jerusha looking out to sea

Ellie drinking her morning coffee

Jerusha and her daddy

Ice cream at Fantasy Isle

Ice cream shop that shares my name :)

The Smith Side (Plus Shelby ;))

Our sand creations Pyramid, Volcanic Mountain Range, and Castle

The Chinese Lanterns

The Whole 2015 Beach Clan

...catching up...

Finally, after nearly two months I am back.

Where have I been?

Home. Mommy-ing. Wife-ing. Sister-ing. Daughter-ing. Living.

So many times I wanted to sit down and write a blog post and it’s not that I’ve been too busy, it’s just that my thoughts have been too scattered to put together a readable post.

In early July we went on a trip to Niagara Fall’s and I really planned on coming home and writing a post about that adventure but due to my phone not working I didn’t have pictures to use; now I have them but it seems like too distant of an event to post about now.

My birthday came and went and I considered posting about that but, I hate my birthday’s, the expectations I have, the knowledge that the day will never live up to them, and the further sensation that my expectations are ridiculous anyways making me a selfish horrible person leaving us at: not worth celebrating or writing a post about.

Many, many times in the last two months I have read blog posts, news articles, and opinions on various political, scriptural, and social issues, and I thought about writing rebuttal posts to share what I see to be the truth on any such issue but instead I spend a few days ranting to my husband or sister about it then move on. It’s not that I’m unwilling to stand for what I believe; it’s just that I haven’t decided if this is to be a blog giving a glimpse of my mind or a blog giving a glimpse of only my life. Also, some of those rants would pertain to only a small group of my followers, many of them are on concepts foreign to most of the world; ideas of courtship, purity, modesty, and such.

So today I decided I was going to write about something simple. Just a small step in bettering myself and the home I care for. I have made a goal to work on projects I have either started or ones I have on my to-do list and finish them.

On Tuesday I went to the library and got a few random audio books on CD  to get me started on my list of projects

the tshirt rug I started to pass the 9 months of pregnancy...

 the scarf I started knitting Wesley while we were engaged...

 painting the last two walls of the kitchen (this project may have to wait as I have run out of the $7 can of miss tint and haven't got a budget for full price paint with our vacation right around the corner ;))

 And un pictured is to make our "adventure board". 

[I didn't bother taking a picture since so far it just consists of an over sized cork board. I plan on painting the border, getting a map, pinning the map in the center, coloring in the trips we've made, making an "Our Adventures" title to hang above the board, AND print a few pictures that we've taken along the way to pin around the map :) ]

So there you have it, my plans for the upcoming future. As I check items off that list I'll post a picture of the finished projects. (I know, I know, more promises of posts.. go ahead and roll your eyes readers, I certainly wont be offended)

And today my back decided to go out. I guess that means the sit down projects come first.

Also, who would have thought a 4 and a ½ month old baby would be too much for a person to lift? My 19+ pound baby girl is. Thankfully she’s making it easy on me today by napping often or occupying herself with toys, its only the times I have to lift her off the floor to feed her that we’re struggling with.

Now I’ll go ahead and post a few pictures of family happenings since my last post and maybe elaborate on a few of them   

technically this happened before my last post I believe but.. I never posted about it so here you go. My whole side of the family got together for family pictures :) and one of our own

                                                                                                    little family :)

we went to St. Louis for a Cardinals game on a super spontaneous little trip with my side of the family

and here are a small selection of the many pictures we took on our Niagara Falls camping trip. Seriously, it was amazing. We had a perfect stay at the closest KOA and enjoyed spending a Friday evening and Saturday morning touring the falls. We went on the Cave of the Winds tour and the Maid of the mist boat tour. Both were very cool but the Cave of the Winds was my favorite. You could literally hang onto a railing and walk into the water fall. SO. COOL. The Maid of the Mist was pretty awesome, too because it gave me a much better perspective on how big and powerful this section of God's creation is. And made me stand in awe at how little a part this seemingly huge, powerful part is.

This is one of the several pictures I took the Monday evening on which Wesley rallied a few of our siblings and his dad into going to an Indian's game :)

super random, I know, but I snapped this one afternoon as 

I was front porch sitting watching our baby girl grow :') <3

And this is from just this last Sunday when Wesley, Jerusha, and I met up with a few siblings of his, Shelbs, and a brother-in-law and niece at McCormick's Creek Falls and Wolf Cave :)

Well that's it for now. I hope you have enjoyed this catch up post. ~Haley

           

Gifts of Love

Again, its been awhile since I posted but I hadn’t really had any lightbulb topics to write about, well, I had a few but I’d start typing and quickly realize it was turning into a rant and thought 1) I promised my next post would be more light-hearted, and, 2) I rant too much, as it is.

Last night though as I was lying in bed reflecting over my day I thought ‘this would make a nice, cheerful, loving blog post.’

This post is in honor of my husband, Wesley.

Yesterday was his 24^th birthday. It was his second birthday we’ve celebrated married and probably 10^th or 11^th we’ve celebrated as friends. So, basically for a long time I and my family have gotten to be a part of his birthday celebrations and this year was no different.

I’ve been planning his ‘party’ for several months. Seriously, I ordered his present in May and have been discussing cake ideas with him since his last birthday! I had planned on having his family over to my parent’s house for cake, swimming, and whatever other activities people chose to do but then all last minute – spontaneous like all but two of his siblings went on a family vacation. Obviously plans changed.

Monday I started making his cake, a Strawberry Shortcake Ice Cream Cake (which, by the way, I thought I was the creator of but after instagraming #strawberryshortcakeicecreamcake I was proved otherwise by five other pictures popping up with the same hashtag). I baking a shortbread crust, sliced tons of strawberries, and made a strawberry sauce to keep the crust moist. Yesterday I layered a gallon of ice cream over the crust, breaking one of my favorite Santouku knives in the process, (Ice cream, people, I was cutting ice cream and broke a knife… maybe it didn’t deserve to be a favorite…) then topped it with whipped topping, and later, right before serving, spooned the sliced and sugared strawberries over it and piped more whipped topping on it in fancy little dollops around the edge. It was indeed a success although I made WAY too big of a cake, well, everyone got seconds, thirds, and etc. so I may be the only one who feels that way ;)

I invited all of the family that was in town over for Wesley’s birthday dinner of Mommy’s fried Chicken Strips, (she makes the best-ever chicken strips, trust me on this, I use the same recipe and they’re never as good) Oven Baked Fries, and Ramen Noodle Salad. One of Wesley’s brothers showed up after work and then another brother and sister-in-law arrived in time for cake J Not quite the party I had planned but it was still fun and full of yumminess.

Over the course of the evening people ate, swam, and had cake.

Last night as I reflected over the day I had anticipated so much I smiled knowing in spite of a few things not being as I had imagined it, it still was perfect. I also noticed something else. I had looked forward to this day more than I have ever looked forward to any of my own birthdays. I couldn’t wait to celebrate with Wesley, couldn’t wait to make his day has special as I imagined it should be, couldn’t wait to give him his present which I was so very excited about. In fact, Wesley’s birthday probably meant more to me than it did to him, and the only thing I can figure that made it so special to me was that I got to spend an entire day trying to show him how much I love and appreciate him.

People are always talking about the “five love languages” and although I’ve never put much stock in it or been able to narrow down which of the five speaks the most to me, yesterday I looked at it backwards. I think Wesley’s birthday meant so much to me because maybe I speak the love language of gifts, I’m not sure if I hear gifts, but maybe I speak it. That would explain why picking, ordering, and presenting Wesley’s birthday gift was so exciting to me, and why planning on a small party for him was important; why spending an entire day showing him my love in action was so necessary to me.

And trust me, I of all people know that Wesley is worth filling every day with ways of showing him my love and appreciation, and I try, but I’m glad we have some days set aside simply to honor the one’s you love.

Now I get to look forward to Wesley’s first Father’s Day and find ways to show him how it thrills me to have him be the daddy to our little girl <3 

I'd like to send a thank you out to those who celebrated with us, helping to make Wesley's birthday into what I thought it ought to be, thank you all :) 

Wesley's Strawberry Shortcake Ice Cream Cake

Wesley and his cake

The Gray and Blue Plaid Suit

you can't really see the pattern or color in this picture, 

but i think it is a pretty cool suit ^_^

Aunt "Bubby" and Uncle Luke playing with Rue

Shelbs put Jerusha to sleep and I'm thrilled to report she stayed asleep until about 3:30 AM :D

I know the pictures aren't great but I hope you enjoyed them anyways!

~Haley

Love Has No Room For Selfishness

The years before mommy-hood are the years for selfishness.

I’m not promoting selfishness, I promise, I know it’s not an attractive trait. I don’t want to encourage you in the attitude of selfishness; we should all seek to be selfless, but I want to point out some things you may be taking for granted. Not just the nail painting, bathroom time, and sleep that I used as examples in a past post. Today I’m speaking more in terms of emotions and feelings.

When you’re single, you’re free to notice all the guys around you, consider each of them for their looks, character, and of course plain and simply, their attractiveness. When you’re married you lose that right. Once you’ve committed to one man it’s for life and you’d better not be noticing other guys around you and imagining what life with him would be like. That is unfair to your husband and yourself.

Much like that, when you’re not a mom you’re free to be depressed, dream wild dreams, and entertain other various emotions. It changes once you’ve had a child. When you’re a mommy your baby will come first physically, mentally, and emotionally. You can’t have a bad day emotionally and carry it over to you parenting. If you feel like you’re life is crumbling you no longer can entertain thoughts of suicide or self harm (I hope to God that none of you struggle with this, but I want to cover all bases) because your baby is relying on you. You can’t dream of traveling foreign lands with a side note of ‘find a babysitter’, your life is no longer your own, baby comes first. You must continue to parent when you’re having a bad (read: selfish) day and you simply can’t carry that selfishness through and base your actions off your emotional state.  That cuddly little ball of joy needs you. It needs you not only to physically provide for him or her but it also needs you to stay emotionally stable.

You aren’t your own any more.

Technically after marriage you lost that right, but any trace of selfishness you held on to you really need to let go once you’re a mom.

Take a step back and imagine the stress that is placed on your husband and baby as well as family and friends who love and support you, if you maintain an emotionally selfish stance.

If you aren’t open about your struggles you make it worse. If you let yourself view it as a struggle you make it worse.

Just let it go. Give up the emotions of depression, irritation, and any other selfish feeling. Discontented-ness? Selfish. Loneliness? Selfish. Low self-esteem? Selfish. Depression? Selfish, and it always has been; even before motherhood.

The list can go on, put whatever emotion you struggle with in and examine it to see if it places stress between your baby and you. If it causes you to distance your baby or puts a strain on your parenting; it is selfish.

On a similar note, yesterday as I got Jerusha up from a nap and set about changing a particularly messy diaper I looked down at her and said “It’s okay, I’m gunna clean you up, its my job.” Then as she was grinning up at me I had the urge to cry out an apology and wrap her chubby self in my arms. Kissing her cheek I corrected myself “No, I’m not doing this because it’s my job; it’s not. I’m doing this because I love you.”

There is something powerful in that and I’m not sure I have the eloquence or words to explain. So far not one part of being a mom has made me feel like it’s a job. From mid-night feedings to gassy-nap-less days; taking care of my baby is a need. I need to hold her. I need to change her diaper. I need to bathe her. None of those needs come with a feeling of responsibility. They spring forth from the depths of my heart, done with love and thanksgiving that God has bestowed upon me so great a charge and blessing. He has gifted me with this most amazing and unfathomably beautiful baby girl and He is trusting me to care for her. It all comes from love. Love shown from the Father in blessing me, love returned to Him in thanksgiving for the blessing, followed purely by love towards my baby, the blessing.

That’s not to say there aren’t late nights when I’ve felt incapable or irritable and over exhausted. There have been. But those selfish moments don’t change the fact that every way I am called upon to care for Jerusha thus far are out of love. And it is my desire to shed all trace of selfish feelings as I continue on the path of motherhood.

In a notebook somewhere there’s written an outline for a book I’d hoped to write. Its projected title was ‘A Love Driven Life vs. A Responsibility Driven Life’. I had lots of reasons to believe it would make a good book and it still might, but now that I’m a mother I have even more insight on how parenting can and will be affected by ones perception. Are you parenting out of love? Or responsibility?

Later as I shared with Wesley my thoughts and confession to Jerusha he smiled and responded “Now you know how I feel about you.” <3

I feel as if this parallels only to God’s love of us. He didn’t send His only son, Jesus, to live and die for us out of responsibility, He did it out of love. He had no need to feel responsible for us; the race who turned our backs on Him. He chose to love us though and sacrificed His only son that we may live. You’ve no idea how my love for Jerusha quivers and pales in comparison to His for me. I would never be willing to sacrifice her for another. Never. 

Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts. Soon I'll be more light hearted and post some pictures of Jerusha and projects and give you a glimpse of our life instead of just my mind ;) <3 ~Haley